Mum is not much better. So, I need to be here. She is querulous (that word means exactly what it sounds like!!!) and sick. As one of our friends told me, she's going to go down fighting. I don't really like that. I'd rather she went peacefully, like my daddy. And even he was in a great deal of pain before. The oddest thing right now are her kidneys. They are losing their functions. Yet, mom does have three of them. So, they could operate and remove a bad one and attach the spare. Which would also be a God thing. Why would she need three? Well, when she is on the cusp of 75, she had to have them rearranged.. It could happen!
Except, I do wish I was a grown up. I can't leave the house without her knowing where I am. Of course, I can't leave the house much anyway. She's too ill. Eventually, we'll get out north again. She may relax better out there. But, at the moment it is too cold. At 1 am it is 8 degrees. The days warm up, but not to the point I want to get mom outside in it.
I miss my kitchen and my books and I wonder what may change when I get back. I've learned quite a bit up here and would like to see if a real relationship is realistic. Mum lives in a fictional world, I want to touch reality in mine. Not the reality I'm in now, but a kinder one. I know it is here, in Alaska. I don't feel like an Outsider here and I belong. Yet......yet. What will be will be.