"A rose by any other name should smell as sweet." -William Shakespeare wrote this around 1595 for his lovers Romeo and Juliet. Which makes rather apt for this particular topic I am attempting to address. Star crossed love and crimson kitties are rather similar. They both encompass agonizing distress and the desire to die. The monthlies, period, Ms. Scarlett, surfing the crimson wave, leak week, having the painter’s in, Code Red, girl flu, Aunt Flo is visiting, on the rag, that time of the month, getting your redwings, riding the cotton pony, are a small tip of the slang iceberg for a woman’s menstruation. Believe you and me, this experience is never nice, even if you call it something else!
When Ms. Scarlett comes to call she is generally not alone. She is often accompanied by cramping, cravings of different kinds, headaches, differences in one’s bowel habits, tears, and even anger. The latter is totally understandable. As a character in one of my favorite books once said, “I hate it when my body does something I can’t do anything about.” (or something like that!) It is completely ridiculous a woman has to surf that crimson wave for at least a week every month. I’ve always thought, if I ever get to speak to Eve, I’m gonna ask her why on EARTH she ate the apple. The whole sin thing is one thing, but this cramping and pains in childbirth is truly unreasonable.
First, your women’s trouble may or may not give you notice it is arriving. Your breasts may ache, or you may have a bit of pain in your lower back. These are all heralds of the monthlies. You may be fortunate and have regular visits by your Aunt Flo, but it isn’t always likely. Leak week seems to happen whenever it wants to and if you are stuck without the proper paraphernalia, well, Code Red isn’t just a shout of danger. There are dozens of choices of pads and tampons and even cups you insert to catch the blood to help keep our ecosystem greener. (I’ve read these have been around for generations, but haven’t tried one) The worst part is if you happen to be allergic to one of the brands. It can happen. Eventually, you mount up and ride that cotton pony (or the one that drains into the plastic cup) until the paint is dry. And in many, this is often longer than a week and can happen more than once a month.
It is uncomfortable, irritating, and absolutely inconvenient. If you are on the rag, you cannot honestly say you enjoy it. There are a lot of health issues surrounding a woman’s cycle. For years doctors just blew them off as a female complaint, some still do. I, during mine, bleed from my rectum and my vagina. A dr I visited suggested I was wiping wrong. Others have said, “I bet you’ll be glad when you hit menopause.” Yes, I will. I will never ever miss this experience. I am glad it existed so I could have my boys, but other than that? I’m with Elsa, “Let it go!”
Getting your redwings (having sex during a period, the male is supposed to ‘earn these’) is for the birds, but I cannot imagine why so many authors and/or directors use ‘rusty pipes’ in their works. From Carrie to Shades of Grey and even more recently, a really bizarre horror flick Alientampon, tampons and putting the tomato soup on to boil is just nasty. Which may be why the theme is found in a horror. I wish they’d leave Cousin Red out of it, though. Shark Week’s bad enough without seeing another woman’s red tide through someone else’s eyes.