I was so impressed. Yesterday (the last day of April) I was awake and up all day, I did some yard work, talked to a few people here and there, and even got to cuddle with The Craftsman while dropping off to sleep. Today was screwed.
I got up early and did some things that needed done, came back to the house and crashed and didn't wake for several hours. Thankfully, Strider called me and my blood was fine, but it messed up lots of what I had planned for the day. I did go get groceries, I forgot to get gas for the car. I sent the pizza coupons in with Bear so his dad could get pizza, but I failed to remember one of the reasons we were having pizza was because we were supposed to invited some people over and my house is a pig sty and I am just tired.
My blood, cept for this afternoon, has been sucky. I'm not eating if I can help it. I might have bread sticks, but no pizza. I'm sick of being alive. No, that is silly to type. I'm just tired of existing. The inner pilot light is low and this doormat is getting worn out.
I've done some things for others to help encourage myself (it is fun to do things that make others smile). I dropped off May Day flowers and bought some for The Craftsman's mom. I bought myself flowers, too. I don't know if I'll get to see them, but I bought them! I figure if I put them where I have put seeds, the flowers will get watered and so will those seeds! (if I leave to go to Alaska like I hope to this summer) But, I still don't care.
I was thinking about how I need to do things to remind the guys to do for me. I hate this. This is what happened on my birthday and it sucked. I did write down some tree/bushes I'd like to get. I have told them I want to see the new Avenger movie. I was going to take The Craftsman out for dinner, but am pretty sure it won't fit in his schedule. If I can get Bear to go, it will probably work. And at least the guys will be able to talk to someone.
Yup, am tired and on my back and ready to expire from too much heat and no moisture. (at least, that is what I assume kills these beetles) It doesn't matter, though. When I compare my world with the disaster in Nepal or people who overcome tragedy to accomplish amazing things, I'm just plain silly. And lazy and I need to stop using the word 'I' and start focusing on someone else.