She doesn’t care for ‘charts’ so she created a cairn of balanced stones to show off the various parts. She shares a photo of this near the end of her video. On the bottom is self, our inner pilot light that shares who we are and is always there. Our soul, I think I would call it. On that she had two stones balanced. Relationships and work/life purpose. Above that was spirituality, then two more next to each other named sexuality and creativity. The larger stone on that was environment. The next two stones were money and mental health. The last one on the very top was physical health, or our body. When any of the other things is out of balance, the one on top wobbles. As I looked this over, I can see one reason I may have been so sick the last few years. I have no purpose and my relationships are mostly online. I have many very dear online friends, most of whom I have never actually met, but they aren’t people I can call at a moments notice and cry on their shoulders. Crying is not something I do anymore unless it is by myself in the darkness, alone. Balanced on that is my spirituality-I do have a faith, but it isn’t as strong as it used to be. No, that isn’t true. It is strong, I’m just finding it in different areas. The two on that, sexuality and creativity. I’ve not done much at all in the creative department lately. About as much sexually. Neither one has been very important. I’m not pretty, so sexuality is at a minimum and I’ve been as creative as a sloth lately. I have great ideas, but they rarely go anywhere. Too much work! I do cook, mostly cuz my family needs to eat, but I reckon that is creative. My environment is sound. I’d like it better in Alaska, but at least I have a yard and trees and plants and sunshine. Money is horrid, I hate not having any and rather than fight, I just let it go. Fighting about anything isn’t worth it. I would much rather go on than fight. My mental health hasn’t been very good and that leads to the top stone, which is physical health and me being so sick. I am fully convinced that the procedure I am scheduled for won’t find a dad burn thing. I need to do what Dr. Rankin suggested and work on these levels of life.
SO, how can I fix this? How can my healing bubble of pleasure, love, and gratitude work? I need a friend. Where do I find this person? I need a purpose. Phew, this whole thing is incredibly daunting! However, I am sure I can do this. I don’t often have a very strong won’t power (I cave over everything, especially snacks), but I won’t give up! I am going to try and find myself and work on being alive again. This blog is helping, I like knowing my words are out on the net. I do not care if anyone ever sees them, that isn’t important. Getting them out there is.