I wish the world I lived in was June Cleaver's, Alice MItchell's, or even one of the stunning gals on Desperate Housewives. But, it isn't. Reality isn't a TV show (Ok, today it appears to be, but even those reality shows really aren't! Just saw an advertisement today searching for people willing to hunt ghosts while naked..yeah~). Reality is waiting and waiting for kids after practice, making sure everyone is fed (including all the pets), and burying your son's favorite cat on the last day of school his Jr year. I've learned to make sure I have books with me at all times, to have snacks in my car to curb low blood sugars, and to be able to drop dinner plans in a second when I get a phone call saying the guys are gonna eat out instead.
I often see myself in the eye of a storm. In that eye I do try to be cheerful, upbeat, and a lighthouse. Yet, there are times when I move just a bit too far to one side and get yanked into the dark turbulence. I can usually scramble to get back to the clear center, but it isn't easy. I have learned it is ok to be grumpy. This blog is a part of my self therapy. For better or for worse!
The last couple of months have been Dante's Abyss. I was prescribed some meds and oh my god--those were the most horrible things in the world. But, it didn't stop there, the doctor doubled the dose because I was feeling so bad and had not gotten any better! I finally called and was able to quit taking them on Christmas Eve Day. Staying awake just a few hours a day was just not working. I'd sleep through everything. I also had a bladder infection, so was on meds for that as well. I had days when my blood sugars went from 40 to 400 in just hours. I was a mess. And there wasn't a hot anywhere near it.
I had approached help of different kinds because I was unhappy and sleeping a great deal. I now know, it wasn't a patch on being comatose forever. Sleeping Beauty I am not! I've come to the conclusion that I can survive in the eye doing what I know works best for now. Sharing and learning from others who have experienced living there.